I am fortunate enough to have great neighbours and we recently started getting together for dinners (they also have kids the same age as Colin so it's perfect!). My 2 lovely neighbours, Anne and Gwynne are both working moms, and I'm the lone SAHM. I have so much respect for working moms, and sometimes just am in complete awe of them!! We got to discussing the pros and cons of both sides since both of them have just had a taste of stay at home life (one is a teacher so the summer is off, and the other had 2 week vacation because daycare was closed for 2 weeks).
I've always thought that I had it quite good though, and I don't want to complain too much that the grass is greener on the other side. But there are some definite patches on that other side of the fence that I'd looooove to frolic in - the biggest being... adult interaction? And not having a child attached to my hip at all times. But I know I'm really blessed and fortunate to be able to spend so much time with my kids, and to have a husband that works so hard to make it happen for us.
So, I thought I'd dedicate this blog to all the moms - working or stay at home. What is your life like? What do you see on the other side that you want, and what do you love about your situation? How do you make it work?
As for myself - before I popped any babies out, I had it all in my head that I'd go back to work. It's nice to have the extra security, and everyone else does it right? But then, the baby came. And he changed our life.
To put it simply, these are the reasons why we decided to have me stay at home. My previous job as a Special Ed Assistant was great - I loved what I did and the hours were perfect for a mom - but when i factored in daycare and commuting costs, my net total was only minimal. For me, was that number worth me spending that time away from this precious bundle that just entered our lives? Everyone says that it goes fast, so was that number, worth missing this time? For me, no. I couldn't wrap my head around missing out on every moment of Colin's life for X amount.
Now, I do have to say though, if X was significant, I may have a different outcome, but because Joe is the main breadwinner in this house, I had an option.
But what do we have to give up? For us, it's the luxuries. We don't have a second car, we haven't done any renovations on the house (yes, the port holes we have on our doors still exist - the house is pretty much the same as we bought it), Craigslist is our friend, and other minor things like extra channels on the tv, no landline etc. On the personal side, you give up yourself - there's not a whole lot of alone time (physically and mentally) and it's always the kids first every single waking moment of the day.
So nothing devastating, but we live a very comfortable yet humble lifestyle? Humbfortable.
But what do I get in return? I am at home, and able to cook, clean (wait a second... these aren't rewards....), and most importantly be active in the growth of my children's lives. I am here everyday when my husband returns from work, and yes, although I am also tired, I am not stressed out. I am able to see my family, and as a result Colin and Cara are very close with their cousins (and aunts and grandma). I even do get to nap when both of the kids are sleeping (which i always take advantage of because one day.... my perfect 'napping scheduled children' bubble will burst).
I love that it's worked for us, and that I can see my children are thriving not because I'm a stay-at-home mom, but because we're happy.
I'd love to hear from working moms, other stay at home moms, or stay-at-home working moms (yes, that exists!) and what your honest thoughts are about your life - do you love it? or would you change it?
"I love that it's worked for us, and that I can see my children are thriving not because I'm a stay-at-home mom, but because we're happy. "
ReplyDeleteThat statement says it all, I think!
The best part for me of seeing both sides of being at home vs. working full time is that it's helped me see that the grass isn't ALL pure green on the other side of it. Being home for a couple of weeks straight with Benjamin, working on potty-training and toddler discipline, made me realize it's HARD WORK to do this full time. Our daycare ladies are amazing!! Working part-time is a great balance of the two, although I still often feel I don't too either job full justice. Still, I'm definitely 100% happier doing this than working full time...and that's helping our family to work better!
I also love the description of "humbfortable". I know my perspective shifted so much when Stephen suggested I keep working full time and I could get rid of the ugly bathroom. My answer? It can stay hideous til Benjamin is grown up - I'd rather be with him than at work!
Love reading your thoughts and getting to know you better, neighbour-friend :)
Every family is going to be different. It is also going to be different for every woman. If you are SAHM, I can definitely see that desire for adult interaction. But when you work then there is also much guilt for never spending enough time with the kids. I love my job but there are definitely times I wish I only worked 4 hours a day so that I could spend the rest of the time with my kids. I mean, I wake up see them for about an hour then head out to work, and when I get off work by the time I get home I only see them for another hour or so which means about a total of 2 hours or so per day on weekdays. Not really much if you think about it but that is the reality of it. This means of course I cherish my weekends much more with my family.
ReplyDeleteEither way, stay at home or working mom, we all have our challenges. I definitely have to say that women have much more responsibilities than men though because of the whole child rearing thing. Even though they are the father, most dad's still don't do the same level of work as the moms do for the kids. Yes I know some dads do step up but you have to admit generally speaking women are better at raising and caring for the kids than men are. Maybe it is in our DNA but with this in mind, I find that I am not off "work" until both the kids are in bed usually. And even when they are in bed I am usually up making food or prepping something for my children. So really, I am like working 2 jobs if you really think about it. I also have the feeling that other working moms might feel the same way as our job never ends once we get off our day job. We just put on our "mom job" when we get home. Which can explain why so many women are just exhausted these days.
As women though, we have to remember to spend some "me" time or it is easy for us to lose it. Seriously, don't feel guilty about spending some time away for the kids. If it makes you happier then you end up being a better caretaker of your kids if you are cheerful and they in turn will reap the benefits. So I hope women can realize that. What we need though is the men to support us so that we can have more "me" time. Which means watching the kids while we get a manicure or spend a girls nite out with the girlfriends. And we have to stop thinking about our kids while we are away (although I know most of us won't because as mothers we always think about our children) and stop feeling guilty for doing something that makes us happy. I mean men never feel guilty about doing their activities (going out to play sports, business trips, etc.) so why don't we learn from them?
Anyhow, good post. It's always one of those topics that generate a lot of discussion.