The Significance of Hand Cream

Marriage is hard.

It's something that Joe and I recently discovered, and are now trying to work on. We are works in progress, and now our marriage is a priority, and something we are vowing to put effort into every single day.

Life gets comfortable, the relationship with the one person you live with and see everyday - becomes routine, and you co-exist. When the kids come along, you may mistake 'teamwork' for marriage, but it's not. The busy-ness of it all with the kids becomes a great excuse for exhaustion, tiredness, and lack of attention to each other.

Joe and I got comfortable, and we realized that's not where we want to be, and are taking the steps to make things better. We're re-prioritizing, and our marriage comes before the kids. They need parents that are in love, and have an example of daily forgiveness, compassion, repentance, reconciliation, and intimacy. They need daily examples of Christ's love for us, and our marriage is the one thing they witness everyday.

So, in an effort to make our marriage better, there are some small changes. For example, Joe started holding my hands more often. He noticed something - we haven't paid attention to each other, and he hadn't noticed my hands had gotten so cracked and dry after all these years of cleaning and dealing with the kids. I'm not the kind of person to go out and buy creams either - I don't wear makeup, and blow-drying my hair is considered 'effort' in my books.

My hands were dry and ignored by me and by Joe. He bought me some serious hand cream (Body Shop) as we were meandering around the mall last night - I lathered it on, trying to restore all the dry cracked skin. I kept telling him how much I did like it - I kept rubbing my hands, saying they were so much better and silkier. He told me he hadn't realized how much work my hands did. My hands, like our marriage, have been ignored - we are trying to restore it again. And with a new sense of appreciation for each other, we're going to keep working on our marriage.

Didn't realize $12 hand cream meant so much to me before.

Cara Plays Peekaboo

So, just as a warning - I'm talking in my 'talking to a baby voice', combined with annoying 'Peekaboo voice' with overtones of 'proud momma'. So please bear with that... other then that, please enjoy watching Cara learn the art of Peek-a-boo-ing.

What Does Jesus Eat?

According to Colin, Jesus likes pineapples, pork, cookies, bananas, and apples.

My First Hearbreak

It's a new year, and it's time for growing, and maturing. But when it comes to my kids, I don't want all it to go too fast. But, as far as the story of my life goes - nothing goes my way.

It used to be the case, where when someone gets hurt, I, Mommy, am the ultimate healer of pain. I can take any owie, examine it, and with the magic of a kiss the pain would be washed away.

He took it to another level, and when he got hurt, he'd say 1 isn't enough. The bigger badder owies seemed to need.... five. As much as it burdened me, I would lay those kisses on him - it was my duty as a mother.

So many hats to wear, but I took this new role on and played it proudly. Until...... this past week.

He hurts himself, and now he's frikkin 'brave'??? What is this all about? No kisses needed, no crying or sobbing, just holding his head up high. Making his Dad proud, that's for sure, but seriously - being 'Brave like Diego' is just crap. I want to smother him with kisses, and I want to be the go-to healer!

I hate it when they get too independent. He's no longer wimpy, and my hat has been stripped. At least there's Cara.

Charming Colin

We were having hot chocolate at the local Starbucks, and for some reason (thanks to the technology of television) Colin said 'Happy Valentines Day'.

Me: Where did you hear that from?
C: The Save-Ums. What is Valentines Day?
Me: it's a day about love.
C: I'm sick.
M: what's wrong with you?
C: I'm sick because I love you soooo much Mommy.


Other Colinsms from today:

As a typical mom and dad with their baby babbling - we encourage them to say our name. It almost becomes a challenge to see who's name they say first. Joe and I were probing Cara, "Mama", "DaDa". etc.

Colin pushes us aside, and says to Cara, "Goh Goh". That's Chinese for big brother.



It's been potty training season, and our house is stocked with stickers, charts, treats... you know, the works. Well, today was the day. Colin collected enough stickers, to get a PRIZE. What was the prize? A Stegosaurus from the Toy Jungle at the mall. I told him Daddy and I would go to the mall, and we would get the Stegosaurus after dinner.

We were getting ready to go, and Joe and Colin were getting ready on our bed, and when we said it was time to go, Colin calmly said, "No, I'm fine".

Joe and I were a bit shocked. We were going to get the dinosaur he wanted, and we were dying to get it for him because he deserved it. And all Colin said was "No, I'm fine. I want family time."

We made it clear that we were going to go get that dinosaur, and that it was his prize for pooping, and all the fun he would have with it, and he surprised us by saying, "No, I have enough dinosaurs. I have my Ankylosaurus."

Joe and I were floored. Where does a 2 year old learn to be content with his things? Since when does family time, take priority over material things? I don't know. It's certainly not something we overtly taught him, but I am just so happy. In love. In love that Colin loves his family so much more than anything. I hope that we can nurture this desire to be loved and secure.

Getting Ready for Baby

 I actually just sent this email to a few friends of our's who are expecting. I put this together cause when they asked about strollers, Joe and I pretty much gave them a sermon on it for 45 minutes. And then it also lead to other tidbits, and I kept telling them 'I'll just send you an email'. I finally got it together, and sat down to write this up, and realized: I wish I had this when we were preparing for our first-born.

Sometimes you just don't know where to start, and you can do all the research you want - but sometimes without experience all the research is useless. I'm not saying all my advice is the ONLY way, but it's just a starting point if you're totally clueless and none of your other mommy friends have given you any leads.

 It's not the most comprehensive list, and I definitely would like to invite other moms to add to this list for expecting couples.

 ...................................

Things to buy in States:

Booster seat:
http://www.target.com/p/Fisher-Price-Healthy-Care-Booster/-/A-10748126
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4282469
why these seats are good: because it's really easy to clean. saves space (no need for a huge high chair). portable for when you do need to bring it somewhere - and it's half the price of what they cost up here.

Diaper Champ:
http://www.target.com/p/Baby-Trend-Diaper-Champ-Deluxe-Blue/-/A-11389426
why it's good: this particular bin isn't sold in Canada - but it's great cause you can use regular plastic bags - no need to buy specific refill packages (ie. diaper genie).

Strollers:
this is like shopping for a car - it's very individual based, and gadgety. From shocks, reclining seats, cup holders, rims tires, 'base' prices, you might as well have a stroller store beside car dealerships... they go hand in hand.

look here for a list of ALL the different strollers: www.strollersdirect.com/

but start with what you think you'll be doing most.  
walks: (but where? gravel, grass, rocky paths, paved paths, malls... look around where you live and see what you'll be dealing with).
will you transporting it a lot?: if you are getting it in and out of the trunk a lot, then you will want something lighter.
baby carrier adaptable: make sure you get a stroller that has car seat adapter (and vice versa, make sure you get a car seat that works with your stroller... don't just get any old car seat) - it'll make your first 6-9 months of life so much easier.
re-sell value: you can get a lot back for some strollers on Craigslist - so if the price is really steep, don't forget that when you're done with it, you can sell it again for a pretty high price (if you keep it in good condition)

Why we went with Maclaren and Phil/Ted's Explorer:

The Maclaren is our umbrella stroller, and it became the stroller that stayed in the car, while we had one at home for taking walks in. The Maclaren was really easy to use, durable, and I could even open/close it with one hand. The con is there's no car seat compatible one available in Canada, so you can only really use (or want to use this) when you graduate up to the next car seat that remains in the car and you HAVE to take them out of the car seat when you want to leave the car.

With 2 (and closer in age) we wanted a stroller that did have the capability of holding 2, but without the size of double width - knowing that colin wasn't going to always want to sit in there, we wanted the option of just having a 'single' looking stroller. I also hated how I couldn't take decent walks on our first ever stroller (Even Flo Travel System), and we went for air filled tires, and can go anywhere we want in any condition without hesitation.



Things to have ready before baby comes

NB diapers (buy only 1 pack, he/she may grow out of them quickly, and if not just buy more)
burp cloths (for the obvious reason, but also for swaddling)
sleepers (you may need 4-5 that are smaller than you think you need)
Pads: for the obvious bleeding issues
heat packs (for your breasts - when the milk comes in it gets really really hard, and warm compression helps to get the flow going, and therefore you can help release some milk to ease your pain)
nursing pads (Lansinoh is the best brand, and the bonus is each box comes with 2-3 freezer bags for your breastmilk)
Lanolin (made by Lansinoh - for your bleeding nipples. sounds fun right?) - I've just been told Bug and Pickle is also a great brand for sore nipples
breast pump (to help with releasing the milk when they get too uncomfortable)
1-2 bottles and formula (if you don't produce, you'll want to have these on hand just in case)
Changing Pad: you can just put this on top of any drawer and then use this as your change table.
Baby bath tub: make sure there's a raised side, they're slippery little suckers, and you may be nervous washing them. There are also little inserts/racks that you can buy separately for cheap to raise baby.
Extra mesh underwear: the hospital will supply you with more upon requests - just pretty much stock up on anything the hospital supplied you with during your stay - you just might need it!


Personal Faves:
Baby Carrier: Ergo.
For Swaddling: Miracle Blanket if you have a really wiggly baby (much like Cara), then this is the perfect swaddle... it's like a straight jacket. Unfortunately, no husband sized ones (yet)
Sleepers: Old Navy (they have covers for the hands!), or Sears seems to have good ones.
Diaper Rash Cream: Desitin
Nursing Pads: Lansinoh (really, I've tried others - this is the one and only)
Baby Food: I didn't have it, but the Magic Bullet is really good according to a lot of Moms - I actually saw The Baby Bullet at London Drugs for $60? the other day. Worthwhile if you plan on making baby's food.
Baby Shampoo/Lotions: nothing with fragrance/perfumes in it. Aveeno is good.
Nursing Cover: Hooter Hider - good because it's got the 'peep' hole for mom to see baby why nursing.
Baby Ear Muffs: http://www.hearstore.ca/products.php?product=Peltor-Kid-Earmuffs
I actually got these for $20 at the hosiptal safety store - but when I just checked to get the link... the safety store is 'permanently closed'. I guess new parents aren't too concerned with safety. (neither were we). Anyway, not everyone is going to need ear muffs, but with Joe playing every single instrument known to mankind, Colin drumming, and my mother squawking, the ear muffs are a necessity in this house. There are some available at TJ's kids too (Bandz I think?) same price.

websites:
www.babysteals.com (just for random stuff you think you may want)
http://www.tjskids.com/ (all around baby store in Vancouver)

He's not a Baby Boy

Joe just got home from work. Here's the conversation as it happened, about 2 minutes ago:

Joe: Hi Baby Boy
Colin: I'm not a baby boy.
J: Hi baby girl
C: I'm not a baby girl EITHER
J: Hi baby mommy
C: I'm not a baby mommy either!!
J: Hi baby triceratops
C: I'm not a baby baby triceratops EITHER!!!!!
J: Then what are you?


C: I'm a dog.

Farewell, and Thank You 2011

I had my big 2011 post all ready and was gathering photos for my 'glance back at 2011' post. But then I read this blog post today and decided to redirect, and just take a few things I learned from this past year as well.

I was going to just share what the family did, month by month, sharing small quirks here and there that Colin and Cara did along the way. But that's why I do have this 'Diary' of sorts.... so that I can recall that. What I should be posting from 2011 are the lessons, the gratitude I experienced, and the blessings I received.

I don't quite know where to start, or how long this post will go on for, but bear with me as I attempt to simplify my epiphanies of 2011.

Deux? 

We were ushered into 2011 with the birth of our second, Cara in early February. Love her to death. But then came all the - 'what's it like with 2?' 'you must be SO exhausted' 'I can't imagine what it's like with 2' etc. etc. comments.

Well, I'm no trailblazer in this whole childbearing thing, but for the record, and what my answer has been time and time again is: It's different for every person; but for me, it's easy and I'm loving it.

I have friends in all these categories: 'I'm not ready for kids yet'. 'We're good with 1'. 'We want to do all the things we want to do first before having kids'. To be honest, I think if Joe and I didn't have 2 accidents (Colin definitely, and Cara was much earlier than we wanted for #2) I think we'd be in the third camp - wanting to do everything we wanted to do first, and then settle down and make babies.

But that's not the path that was written out for us - because I am apparently a baby factory with crazy super fertile abilities. And as of February 2011, we are now a family of 4. Some things are more difficult - grocery shopping for example. I don't enjoy grocery shopping. I hated it with 1 kid, and now I loathe it with 2. So, I love it now when I can go alone in solitude (I would think having 2 kids is a pretty steep price to pay, if I needed to appreciate grocery shopping). But, before having kids - 'going to the grocery store alone' wasn't on exactly on the list. Things like traveling, taking up a hobby, buying gadgets, eating at the restaurants we want at the time we wanted to... those kinds of things filled up the list.

But now, I'm on the other side, and I'm towing 2 kids around, and I have discovered... we are doing all those things, and are enjoying them with every ounce of our being while we are doing it as a family. We make it work, and although it's sometimes very very difficult, the rewards are endless - memories for a lifetime, and a bond between us that gets stronger with the amount of time spent just doing things together.

Since Cara was born, we've continued to develop Joe's passion for photography into our little business (ChicGeek Photo), hit up Disneyland, New York (and also NJ, PA), and the all ridiculous Hong Kong. She's only 11 months old now. We've traveled more with kids, than without. And I wouldn't have it any other way. The worst part of vacationing and the holidays, is the day when Joe has to go back to work. Not only for the obvious reason, but because Colin goes into a Daddy withdrawal because he's not waking up to him everyday. Having kids shouldn't end your life - it's where our journey began (well, the roller coaster portion of it at least).

So, to anybody who fears the unknown (and by unknown I mean children - your own children) - it's not so bad. You somehow instantly shed the ability to be selfish. And to anybody who fears the half-unknown (having more than 1), it's kind of nice to feel less stressed out with a newborn - and realize that having a small baby is easier than one that talks (to parents of teenagers, I don't envy you.)


Big Ideas
Sometimes, there are learning opportunities. And I know that Colin comprehends a lot. I have to take advantage of his innocence now, and try to instill good values while I can before he is totally exposed to the harsh realities of life.

He is 2 though, after all, so I have to simplify a lot of things. And sometimes, after I explain it to him, I just wish us adults also understood these things with a child-like innocence. These are some of the definitions I have given Colin for toughies:

Responsible: taking care of your things when you are all by yourself.

War: Fighting is bad. You are not allowed to fight. But sometimes, someone might try to hurt you and you need to protect yourself or someone else, and you need to fight back.

Patience: Waiting without whining. 

Superboy: a boy who does something he doesn't want to, but because mommy or daddy asks him to.

Trust: When mommy and daddy knows you can be a good boy when we are not there


I Told You So
I am almost 100% sure my mother's heart is filled with joy. So much overwhelming joy - because... she was right. Yes, she loves the grand kids, but she loves being right more. I'm certain of it. But ever since having children - you just realize how insane your own parents are, and how much they actually love you. She was right about.... everything. *ugh*.

Didn't you hate it when they said to you 'Wait until you have your own kids'. Well, that day has come. And I fear... I fear what lies on the road ahead for the next 20 years.

But, for now - since starting our own family, there is a whole new level of appreciation for my own mom, and for Joe's parents (bless their heart... I have no clue how they were able to make it out alive with Joe being their middle child).

Sleepless nights, no cell phones, Netflix, fancy double strollers, comfortable carriers... I have no clue how they survived, but they did - and not only that, they are now contributing and playing vital roles in the lives of their grandchildren.

But, it's still annoying now even when she nags me. I don't deny it - I am stubborn still, but I'm sure 30 years down the road I'll realize (again) that she was right again, about aging issues. But for now, I'll just let her soak up these moments that I took her for granted while growing up - and now am fully appreciating her role as my mom, and as a grandma now.


Where'd the Time Go?
You will be told time and time again that it goes by fast. When it was just Colin, I remember the first 2 weeks, heck even the first 3 months seem to just crawl by. I was pretty sure time stopped when he cried, or when I wasn't able to sleep. But now I'm sitting here totally floored that he's almost 3, and Cara will be 1 year next month, especially when I keep thinking I 'just' gave birth.

I've always heard that these days are fleeting. Which is why I made an effort with Colin to soak up the moments when he woke up in the middle of the night, and I got to hold him back to sleep. Honestly - I actually would sit in my rocking chair and think about when he was older, and I wouldn't get to hold him anymore, and how much I would want these moments back, and then cry because I loved him so much. (I'm a crier though, I wail every time I read Love you Forever, by Robert Munsch. Like the ug-o-ly wail - where I can hardly talk and then when I look at my kids they freak out cause I'm going to hold on to them for dear life kind of wail.) OR, maybe I cried because I was just plain tired. Who knows.

I am trying to do the same with Cara, but she's really good. She doesn't wake up in the middle of the night, and now all I can do is just treasure and try to photograph, video, or write about these times. I am already looking back at the photos from 6 months ago, and my heart stops. It just goes by quickly, and if you don't even write down the special things from that day - you will forget. There are sometimes moments that you just need to remember, so that when they're 20 and 22, you can remember some of the small things and smile.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

So, now that 2011 is far off into the distance, I look forward to what 2012 brings. We don't have as much planned as last year, but it will be interesting. Colin will be going into preschool, Cara's turning 1 and into a quick little turkey that likes stairs and all things dangerous, I'm turning 30, and Joe and I will try to lose weight. (ha). Chances are we'll see ups and downs, and surprises and stress, and like in the past, we'll just soak it up and take it all in stride. 2012, bring it.

My son, the hardcore drummer

Maybe not the best song to let my children be listening to (this is part of Joe's massive music repertoire), but he thoroughly enjoyed this song.