The Vegetarian

I have been thinking long about this blog entry. Ever since Colin, age 6, decided to be a vegetarian, I have had a lot of dialogue with myself regarding this, and it surprised even myself.

You see, as a family, we are proud eaters. Happy eaters. And the source of great happiness while eating, was meat (oh, and family and friends too I suppose). Bbq, roasted, crispy skins, braised, cured... really, we just love it. And we still do. For goodness sakes, when Joe and I captained an Ultimate team back in 2007 he named the team 'Meat On Stick'.

Suffice to say, it is a big source of joy in our lives.

Just a few weeks back, Colin decided to ask about the mortality of chickens while eating the amazing, creative and labor intensive meal of Shake 'n Bake I had prepared. He was wondering why the chicken had to die. Naturally, Joe and I tried to package the answer up with rainbows and butterflies, but Colin was just so persistent in trying to dig to the bottom of WHY the chicken DIED.

We conceded, and just said, "So we could eat it."

Joe and I looked at eat other, not giving away any air of disappointment to Colin as we spoke about it, but we knew where this was heading; and in our family, this was a path not traveled. As Joe and I tag teamed the conversation, we touched on topics of how you need to eat more veggies to make your belly feel full, alternatives to meat, pescatarians (which he ultimately decided to be), vegans, and the whole realm of meatless diets.

It was an interesting dinner, and we left it at that.

A couple days (or weeks later, I can't remember in my mombie state), when I was prepping dinner, Colin asked if he could have a vegetarian dinner. While my immediate reaction was "Of course!", anxiety also brewed inside - not because of Colin - but because dinner prep was already underway, and now I had to figure out a vegetarian and kid friendly meal in a matter of moments. I felt the heat and was kind of up for the challenge - almost felt like I was in the Master Chef's kitchen having to think on the spot. Before I knew it, I had prepared my first vegetarian meal for my vegetarian son. To some degree, we really thought it would be just a phase (cause if we waved bacon in front him he would probably swallow it whole in seconds).

Now, after all this, I was going to post on my Facebook status, about this new found vegetarian family member - as it would be quite amusing to a lot of friends that know we love our meat. But with every sentence I started to type, it didn't feel right. There was something that kept stopping me from saying something quirky, or snarky about it all - Anything on the lines of 'HEEEELLLPPPPP we need to admit our son to meat therapy' just felt so........ wrong.

I was wondering why I felt like that, and ended up posting that yes he was a vegetarian, and for recipe ideas instead because I honestly did need help in that area now as this was all fairly new territory I was creeping on. I mean, cooking 1 vegetarian meal out of the week 'for fun' is totally different than doing it routinely, as well as making all our meals meatful, and meatless AT THE SAME TIME to make every family member happy full.

As I pondered why I had such a hard time even with wording my usual status updates, I figured out why I had such a difficult time. I love Colin. I love him for who he is, and I love his good intentioned decisions. I support him in everything he does because I am his mom, and if I didn't let him try things, answer his questions, fail, succeed, and walk beside him on his journeys, then I am not fulfilling my role as a parent.

Then it hit me. I am setting a precedence much bigger than I understood at the time. I am setting myself up, for ALL the times, he needs someone to listen and hear him. I don't care what he wants to share with me - my first and initial reaction will not be judgement, but be support and love. If he wants to tell me he stole something, I will listen. If he wants to tell me someone hurt his feelings, I'll be there. If he's going to tell me he is gay, I will hug him. With no hesitation, I want him to know that we unconditionally love him. In fact, I would love him MORE at that very moment in time, because when someone you love is vulnerable, and honest with you, they need love.

This whole snowballed in my head, and then I started to think about the gay issue. I am a Christian, and I'm Chinese. This whole thing should not be an issue. There are so many things I hate about this issue, and none of it has anything to do with the 'gay' part of it. I hate the judgement, I hate the extreme measures and lengths people go to try to make a point. I even hate the word 'tolerance'. Tolerance is just a 'nice' way of saying "You're still wrong." I hate that Christians get a bad reputation, and generally get lumped into the anti-gay crowd. Then it dawned on me.

I am for love. Unconditional Love. The true love that died on the cross for me and my sins love. God love that goes beyond all boundaries, and will sit with you and listen to your honest heart love. The kind of love that is 10 millions times stronger than my unconditional love for my vegetarian son.

That's the kind of love I hope to spread and share. So, as a meat lover, I am finally declaring my love for all you vegetarians. It's taken a while, but I get it now.

Resolution Check Up

Warning, I am repeating myself every time I start a new entry. 'I haven't written in a while'. I can assure you of 1 true thing - I am, indeed lazy with my blog. I have been obsessing over a few other blogs, Momastery and JJ Landis | Living for Real. There is something in me, and I can't figure out what it is, spiritual, or hormonal (perhaps a combination), but I keep seeking out authenticity in everything. And lately, just reading those blogs have me staying up late and nodding my head to the point of it nearly falling off.

Then I started to re-read my own blog. To see where my journey (or what I chose to post from it) has taken me, and there it is, a resolutions list from January 2013. Well, it wasn't really a list, but it was my resolution.... thought. Yes, it was only 20 entries back, but I seem to still find myself in the. exact. same. place.

I thought resolutions were supposed to change and evolve someone, to encourage us to be better. I can't say I've really quite improved, instead I got bigger in 2013 and then had a baby in May of 2014. Otherwise nothing has significantly changed. I still feel like there are a billion things wrong. The storms are brewing somewhere in my life. But I still feel blessed and cannot fathom why I have been given this beautiful life to live. I look to God and can only continue to thank Him, but I'm pretty sure I look as confused as the awkward middle schooler on the first day of school. I just don't get it, and I am searching.

I remember back in June, 3 weeks after we just had Connor, we went back to Tofino for Father's Day. If you have not been to Tofino, it is something for the soul. For me, it's something about the vast expanse of the ocean. The sights, sounds, and feelings of simultaneous fear and awe. It feels spiritual there. I was looking around, feeling so blessed again, and only 1 word kept ringing to me. I am the kind of person that really quite hates commitment or responsibility, but this word embodies everything opposite. I couldn't help but to hear 'chosen'. Almost annoyingly deafening (but not nearly as deafening as my own mother's ultrasonic twangy nag). The only part I understood, was that there was something bigger for me (or my family) to do. The whats, whens, hows are still up for grabs. I don't even want to try to understand, but I know, deep within the storms brewing inside me might have something to do with that. I just haven't figured it out yet. So, maybe for my resolution thought of 2014, I'll go on a journey, to figure out what to do with 'chosen'.

Looking forward to 2015 (now that I've blogged my thoughts out, it is with a little trepidation!) and hope that your New Year will be a journey you can't forget. Let the good times roll.

Conversations with Colin

I often try to take the time to teach my kids something useful for life in every conversation we have. Even by having a conversation, they are being taught about communication. But in this instance, we were on our way to the dentist, and I was kindly reminding him that he will be expected to be polite and use his manners.

I was explaining to him, that they will probably ask 'How are you?', as well as a question about Christmas since it was just a couple days ago. And I was explaining to him, that it is always nice to ask a question back, and also to ask questions about their answers to demonstrate that he was listening. And listening to the other person makes them feel respected and valued. It's also just... good manners.

So, we did a couple examples.

Did you see a lot of family?
Did you have a lot of food?
Did you get to relax?

Then Colin threw this one out: "Did you have a kid?"

um.... I was confused. And laughing hysterically. And relieved that we were thankfully doing practice runs.

Me: WHY would you ask if someone just had a kid???
Colin: Well, Mary and Joseph did.

Ah.... so he does pay attention at Sunday School. Praise the Lord.

Yes, I'll be 'that' Mother-in-law

Sitting at the local JJ Bean, a song near and dear to my heart started playing. Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey.... oh, talk about throwback days. It's just a classic for my R&B days of the 90s, along with Boyz 2 Men. Who could deny the soft luscious vocals of the queen of falsetto? I digress. That song was one of my faves, and remains top 10. So, to say my ears perked up with it started playing over the radio at the coffee shop, holding an actual baby, I was hormonally excited! It's automatic for my mouth to start singing the song, I can't help it. And then I realized, in that moment, I was singing 'Always Be My Baby', TO MY BABY.

It's funny how lyrics work, and I know that song is meant for some creepy stalker (ex)girlfriend to sing all by her lonesome self, but when I started singing it in relation to my current situation as a mother to my children... I knew I had it. I had the song for the mother-son dance at their wedding.



Sure enough, it sounds a little crazy mother in law to think: "Boy don't you know you can't escape me Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby'".

But on their respective wedding days, or any significant event really (graduation, first job, going to a sleepover, getting their driver's license, first steps) I really do hope I can sing these words and mean it:

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
'Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die, no

Colin Says: Apple Juice

Colin: Mommy can I have apple juice?
Me: No. We don't have any. Kids and adults don't need apple juice.
Colin: I just died right now.

Cara Says

i've been posting to Facebook conversations with Cara. She talks. A lot. just need to have a compilation of the little conversations:


Nov. 24th, 2014
eating dinner.
Me: Oh, daddy would you like me to get you some water?
Cara: oh wait! I got water for daddy already! It's in the bathroom.

erm.... Joe was a good dad, and drank the water that was handed to him. good dad deeds.


Nov. 23rd, 2014
Cara has appointed us to be all Frozen characters. Connor is honorary Baby Elsa.

Cara: "I think Baby Elsa is hungry, and needs Anna milk."


November 18th, 2014

She corrects me when I call her Cara. Speaking to me like I'm a foreigner.

Wicked

Joe was on business a few weeks back, and as much as people thought he was on a culinary tour - he did, in fact work (a little). He also got to take in some of Broadway, and watched Wicked! Ever since, we've been listening to the soundtrack, and now I'm humming it in the grocery store, or just a few moments ago, literally singing lyrics from the songs in response to Connor's stubborn ways.

I'll set the scene for you.

Act 1:
Crying baby in car.
baby falls asleep mid ride.
Ride stops at a red light. wailing begins again.
scene repeats itself multiple times.

Act 2:
Car stops at home. Crying baby to the max.
need to get 13 other items out of the car (included an essential hot caffeinated beverage)
unbuckle the baby and he literally springs out on his own as he is released from his carrier of terror

nurse the baby as he claws at my shirt.
eats like he's never been fed before, and immediately calms down, and when he's finished, he grins, in the most wicked way.

Then, this tune pops in my head (from Defying Gravity):

GLINDA
(spoken) Elphaba - why couldn't you have just stayed calm for once, instead of flying off the handle!
(sung) I hope you're happy!
I hope you're happy now
I hope you're happy how you
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you're clever!

ELPHABA
I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy, too
I hope you're proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition

BOTH
So though I can't imagine how
I hope you're happy right now



Here's what the song sounds :)

The Difference Between 1, 2, and now 3 kids

I've had this blog for a while. Once upon a time, I wrote a post about the Difference Between 1 and 2 kids. It went 'viral' for my 2011 standards (like more than 100 people read it!). The reason I posted that post was because I had a shower, and it was quiet enough for me to actually hear my own thoughts.


Recently, I had another shower, and I heard myself think once again, even though Connor was crying like mad in his crib. And this time, it was only 1 thought, and then I laughed because it really embodies what the third kid is all about.



"Awwwww, his angry cry is so cute!" I continued on with my hot shower.

Halloween Ideas

We're bouncing costume ideas for our lunch conversation, because I need time to find whatever it is my crazy kids want to be.

Me: what do you want to be for Halloween?
Colin: a ninja.
Me: oh that's easy! we have your karate uniform we can use.
Colin: but I need a ninja hat. you need to make me a ninja hat.
Me: wt... what is a ninja hat?????
Colin: well, it's wooden, and triangle shape.

what that means to me?

So in conclusion, my son wants to be a Chinese man for Halloween.

Oh, on top of that, Cara wanted to be Elsa. I rejected her idea. Her second choice is to be PoPo (my mom).

So, please beware of the Chinese family that is dressed up as a Chinese family for Halloween.

Cara Says Why

Me: sit in your seat Cara
Cara: but moooooom, i want to sit heeeeere
Me: no. sit in your booster
Cara: why mom? i'm a big girl and i sit heeeeeeeeereee
Me: because you are going to drop your food on the chair if you don't.
Cara: why mom?? I won't drop my foooooood
Me: because I said so.

this is usually where the conversations end.

Cara: but... why you say so moooooooom???

Mommy Wingman

Was at the playground with the kids, and there was another little girl Colin and Cara had been playing with. When I announced we were leaving, Colin sheepishly came up to me and whispered something. I couldn't hear him, so I said "WHAT?" (and I'm pretty sure that I sound like what my mom sounds to me... which is.... deaf). He asked again, and he was a bit shy, but he whispered again as quickly as he could... "Phone number?"

He wanted me to get the phone number, of a random girl he just met at the playground.

I officially just became, my son's wingman.






and - yes, I talked to the other mom and got her number. BOO YAH.

Hiatus Recap!

1 year. ONE WHOLE FREAKING YEAR I haven't posted on here! I almost forgot this existed, until I realized I had a link to it on my Twitter account (which I also rarely use). But, I'm back. I hope to post more. I have become quite nostalgic these days, and reminiscing the kids, and feeling like i'm already losing my baby (who's only 3 months old, but really, he was a baby when he was born. i already feel like he's as old as my first baby, who is 5). Which leads me to announce - we had a baby 3 months ago!

Now we're at 3 kids, outnumbered, and although we are now playing zone defense, things at the Lo house are terrifically chaotic. I remind myself that these days won't last. I feel a sense of accomplishment if I can get 1 of these things done in each group:

Group A: eat breakfast, drink a cup of coffee, prep dinner
Group B: dishes, laundry, tidying up after the kids, shower, edit/work
Group C: play with the kids, get out of the house, saying the correct name for the correct child
Group D: breathe, drink water

So, I'm hoping to hop back on my blogging wagon for the remainder of this year!

'That' Mom

I've recently been seeing a lot of 'perfect mom' type articles on Facebook, and websites. Not how to be a perfect mom, but how she doesn't exist. I wholeheartedly agree, and just to add my voice to the discussion instead of commenting on posts, I've decided to blog out my thoughts.

Let's identify the problem first. There is an innate desire for us to be better. That's not necessarily bad, in fact, that drive to better ourselves is what allows us to grow. But the part that makes this tricky, is the comparisons. Before the days of social media, the comparisons were made to Joan Cleaver, Carol Brady, and a slew of other stay-at-home moms that cooked great meals, mended clothing, and tended to their husbands and their needs. With social media, the comparisons keep going. With the exception, it's with friends and people in your circles, or a celebrity's Twitter feed when they are being more 'genuine' and giving us a 'peek' into their life.

The latter comparison, in my opinion, is much more toxic. We start to live a life, that is not only 'just the good bits' online, but then your relationships face to face starts to become... 'just the good bits' too. You start talking about your new diet fads, the perfect recipes (not the ones you burnt and ended up ordering take out after), the gym sessions you did go to (and if you didn't... people don't have to know), the perfect children, and well all in all.... the perfect persona has started its own life without you even knowing it. We are all guilty of that - but not because we want to appear perfect, but really because we only want to show the great parts and the 'happiest' part of our lives with each other.

I am definitely, feeding into the frenzy. We all can't help it. If you only knew Facebook Sharon, I'm pretty sure you would think we have a perfect life. I don't mention the times my husband and I fight. not just argue, I mean fight. Why would we air our dirty laundry on social media? We have plenty of photos of the kids not smiling, but those don't get posted. And what you see are allllll the awesome outings I have with the family - the vacations, the food we eat, the many experiences we take our children to (as they are literally sitting on the couch watching My Little Ponies like zombies right now).

It's not a lie. It's part of my life. the happy bits. I am happy to share those things with everyone, as those are some of my sneak peaks. But that is not the complete story. The complete story, is for you to get to know, when I spend time with you. It's not hard, I'm a pretty open person, but I don't mention a lot of stuff on Facebook either. My journey started on a difficult note. It and it grew from there, and to be honest, I feel like I am at the peak and somewhere along this journey things will go sour again. I just don't know when. In fact, I'm trying to savor the moments while I'm here at my personal peak, because who knows what really will happen. And I hope that when the imperfections come, I feel safe enough to share them with you, and find strength from a genuine circle of friends. So, let's talk and get to know the real each other sometime!

The Garden Henchman

the sun has been beaming down on us these past few weeks. The yard is a mess, and there are a billion things to do as much outside as there is inside the house. I just need to pick my battles. First off, we don't tend to our yard. In fact, it's our very kind and meticulous neighbor who always mows our patch of moss for us. The only time I've touched our lawn mower (which came with our house 4 years ago), was just the other day when I offered it to another neighbor who was lamenting about how heavy his was. I said, 'Oh! we have one that we never use! You can borrow it ANYTIME'.

All this to say, we are not gardeners. In fact, it's the yard and house maintenance that always gets me thinking back on condo living, and how strata fees were really good in that way. But, sometimes, when things are ugly, they are just ugly. Our yard, well... is very unkept. Not even weeds. I'm talking about leaves that haven't been raked since 2010. I thought that stuff is supposed to decompose? Well, not as fast as we thought. And things grow. Fast.

So, as part of my compulsive nature, when I just can't handle a mess anymore, I kind of go off my rocker, and just go at it starting from scratch so that whatever I am trying to 'organize' is really organized.

All I wanted to do was shear some of the twigs/leaves off the bushes that were on our walkway. They started getting in the way of my grocery drop off area, so I started by shearing those off. I started to realize that you can't just get the leaves. It's the whole damn branch that needs to go. But once you get one branch, you have to even it up by getting another. Well, those bushes were getting a good makeover, but then I somehow found myself starting to do the larger greenery around our house. In front. And soon enough... there was a massive pile of yard waste, sitting in the middle of my patch of moss yard.

While doing this, I had a lot of time to think. Funny how when things are quiet (i.e. when the kids are napping), you can hear yourself think. And all I could think, was all the garden analogy in the Bible. There are several I kept thinking about, and they all reign true to life and relationships. But it was the pruning that kept worrying me. As I was on my own crazy nature massacre - just to 'clean things up' and to make our yard more enjoyable, I thought about the pruning that needs to be done on a daily basis to prevent these missions and huge steps I have to take to bring me back to 'home'.

I never tended the garden. The only way to get it back to square one, and to where things are manageable, is to cut everything off - living or dead. Even perfectly luscious greenery, had to be pruned for things to be in order. This freaked me out. The fact that perfectly good things, sometimes still had to be 'let go' so that order can be brought back.

My head and my heart are still trying to wrap my thoughts around all the things that need to be done to maintain a viable garden/life. In fact, I just went on another rampage today, after cleaning up the yard waste from my last mission. There is a sense of peace in all the chaos, and it's what I look forward to at the end of it all, but I can't say I like all of the work that had to be done to get that peace of mind. Like any Christian journey, it really is the same. Pruning sucks. But it's the only thing that leads to peace.

Brain Cells, and Learning

tried to convince Colin that when he learns something his brain grows - so that he can recall what he learns from school to me.

Me: What did you learn at school today?
Colin: I don't remember.
Me: oh.... so you didn't grow any brain cells today?
Colin: well.... you see, my brain is full already. If I grow anymore, my head will blow off.

Who's the Boss?

Colin to Joe: I'm pretending to be the boss of the house
Me: who's really the boss of the house?
Colin: Daddy
Me: that's right.
Colin: But you're the super boss of the house. the REAL boss.

ahh, kids are so perceptive :)

Joking Around

Cara: knock knock
Colin: who's there?
Cara: baby
Colin: baby who?
Cara: belhelhflfkjh
Colin: beh?
Cara: no no
Colin: bow?
Cara: no no
Colin: I love you!!!
Colin & Cara: laughing hysterically

Colin Says

Just came home from an outing, and Colin was whipping his jacket off. Really really whipping it.

Me: Colin, can you stop whipping your jacket? You almost whipped me.
Colin: But Mommy, I was just doing it Colin style.

Daylight Savings, and what it means to me

Rice and Ninjas

Me: I'm making fried rice for dinner, because I need to make a fast dinner after karate class.
Colin: fried rice is the best for karate class!
Me: ?
Colin: well, fried rice has rice. and rice is Chinese. And Chinese people are ninjas. So fried rice is the best ninja food.

no. no stereotypes at all in that conversation.