Why are Stay at Home Moms Lazy?

.

When I was checking my blog stats (I admit - the last post about 1 vs 2 kids is getting a plethora of hits so I'm getting all gitty and checking the stats every time I check my Facebook - which is a lot), a simple-minded soul actually found its way to my blog after inputting that very phrase into the search engine.

'why are stay at home moms lazy'

First off, there are 3 ways to respond to this. No response, classy, or, gnarly. If you know me, I most probably will get quite gnarly about this. My husband calls me a loose cannon sometimes - I'm not quite sure where he gets that from.

I hope Simpleton returns to my blog, and reads what I have to say to him (sorry guys, I'm assuming it was a male that did the search).


Dear Simpleton,

I am not sure whether you have children, are married or single, working or unemployed, but there are just a few things you need to know about us moms. But I have a hunch that the 'moms' you see in public, lazing about drinking their Starbucks with their Bugaboo Strollers (possibly with their nice ass and nanny in tow) give you the impression that moms don't do anything, except for sip lattes, shop, and go to the spa for manis/pedis.

Let me tell you this. That mom - is the mom we all wish to be. I don't deny it - it'd be nice to stroll around looking relaxed all the time, I'd be showing it off too if that were my life.

Here's the reality. The moms who are aren't sipping coffee, are at home (and if you're a working mother - hats off to you for coming home to only work again!) not getting paid to work our asses off.

I know what you're thinking: I'm at home ALL DAY - with the internet, television, and a fridge stocked full of food - an absolute fantasy. Why would anybody choose to work if they could stay at home?

Well, honey, the fridge don't stock itself.

On a normal day - heck I'll even give you the best case scenario - a PERFECT day, with no tantrums, no kids hurting themselves or each other, and kids listening to each and every command, with synchronized meals and naps, no errands (grocery shopping or stepping out of the house), this is what the workload with 2 kids is like.

- wake up (before i can even brush my teeth, the kids are both awake)
- get a bottle for Kid, change diaper
- Baby is awake and needs a diaper change, and a boob
- make a somewhat nutritional breakfast
- use my octopus arms to eat my own breakfast, feed Baby (who also likes to grab spoons, point to the fruit to tell Kid to eat that, grab cheerios for Baby, catch falling food
- clean the Kid and Baby up, getting the morsels of food off their face, hands, nose, hair
- set them down somewhere for 'independent learning' (ie. neglect them so I can clean the rest of the dining room from wiping down chairs, and on my knees on the floor, and then the actual dishes)
- if they're still alive, and not whining, I may just use the time to do another cleaning task: laundry - love. sweeping - just darling. cleaning bathrooms - what a dream. dishes (either putting them away, or putting them in the dish washer - a pain either way).
- at this point, I usually smell a waft of poo in someone's diaper.
- change a poopie diaper, and then spend some time with the kids reading books, drawing, pretend I'm a Dragon (that's what I've been told to be these past couple days)and basically not letting the tv sit them as tempting as it seems.
- Baby starts to get tired, so I need to get a bottle ready, and change her diaper, and put her down for a nap
- remember to breathe
- play with Kid, and check emails for our Home Biz (ChicGeek Photography) and if necessary try, just TRY to do some editing if I can hold Kid off a little longer (he's usually using me as a human jungle gym at this point) - be really interested everytime he shows me what he built, or draws, and validate his entire being every waking moment
- snack
- make a coherent grocery list (while banging my head on the desk thinking about dinners/recipes for the week)
- probably forgot to change Kid out of pajamas still, so I should put some clothes on him
- Talk in a Dragon voice, to the Triceratops stuffie, about something intelligent (like how plants grow, or what the meaning of 'responsible' is) in hopes that Kid is learning something while changing him or folding laundry
- Prepare lunch
- (repeat meal time schedule)
- Baby usually wakes up while Kid eats, so octopus hands now have to eat my own lunch and nurse in unison
- Independent Learning
- make and feed Baby real food, and then cleaning up once again
- bottle for Kid, get him settled for nap
- read stories, play puppets, fold more laundry, and put Kid down for a nap
- get Baby's bottle ready, and put her down for a nap (because this is the PERFECT day, when they nap at exactly the same time, for 2 hours)
- clean up the messes (kitchen and play areas) - because I can't actually 'relax' when I know there's a mess somewhere
- and oh here it comes... the lazy part you must think us moms do all the time: i either nap, go on the computer, or I'll just sit and stare at the ceiling and think about nothing. really - I can think about absolutely nothing... and it would be great. silence.

Okay. Are you getting the drift? I'm only at friggin 2pm here buddy. I would continue my day, but I don't want to bore the mothers out there who are actually reading this and whose heads nearly falling off nodding in agreement.

A short summary of what goes on after this? It's absolute MADNESS when it comes to dinner - Dad comes home and tosses his socks off in 2 different directions (I hold my seething mouth shut because he's had a hard day), kids are waking up from naps, prepping raw meat with sharp knives, hot stove etc. etc. And then when bedtimes, and then when the kids are FINALLY in bed..... cleaning up the chaos, maintaining a healthy relationship with the Hubs (talking to him is a good start, but not nagging... no, we're not allowed to 'ask' him to do anything to help, because that's nagging).

Oh yeah, and breathe for the third time in the day, and then sleep. Repeat cycle.


You may have your job, it may be very stressful, and you have deadlines. You want to know what my deadline is? It's NOW. Everything, and anything, has to happen NOW. There are no sick or vacation days, and no option to quit when it gets tough. Want to know what I'm supposed to achieve as the CEO of this house? Keeping a human life safe, healthy, and teach them to be responsible, creative, caring people with whatever resources I have around me (most of time it's a cardboard box or a stuffed animal). It's not the lap of luxury you think it is, but I love my job, and that's why I keep at it the best I know how - with lots of love, patience, and tenderness. I enjoy all the work that comes along with this hat, because one day, when all this crazy is gone, it just means the kids are all grown up.