Resolution Check Up

Warning, I am repeating myself every time I start a new entry. 'I haven't written in a while'. I can assure you of 1 true thing - I am, indeed lazy with my blog. I have been obsessing over a few other blogs, Momastery and JJ Landis | Living for Real. There is something in me, and I can't figure out what it is, spiritual, or hormonal (perhaps a combination), but I keep seeking out authenticity in everything. And lately, just reading those blogs have me staying up late and nodding my head to the point of it nearly falling off.

Then I started to re-read my own blog. To see where my journey (or what I chose to post from it) has taken me, and there it is, a resolutions list from January 2013. Well, it wasn't really a list, but it was my resolution.... thought. Yes, it was only 20 entries back, but I seem to still find myself in the. exact. same. place.

I thought resolutions were supposed to change and evolve someone, to encourage us to be better. I can't say I've really quite improved, instead I got bigger in 2013 and then had a baby in May of 2014. Otherwise nothing has significantly changed. I still feel like there are a billion things wrong. The storms are brewing somewhere in my life. But I still feel blessed and cannot fathom why I have been given this beautiful life to live. I look to God and can only continue to thank Him, but I'm pretty sure I look as confused as the awkward middle schooler on the first day of school. I just don't get it, and I am searching.

I remember back in June, 3 weeks after we just had Connor, we went back to Tofino for Father's Day. If you have not been to Tofino, it is something for the soul. For me, it's something about the vast expanse of the ocean. The sights, sounds, and feelings of simultaneous fear and awe. It feels spiritual there. I was looking around, feeling so blessed again, and only 1 word kept ringing to me. I am the kind of person that really quite hates commitment or responsibility, but this word embodies everything opposite. I couldn't help but to hear 'chosen'. Almost annoyingly deafening (but not nearly as deafening as my own mother's ultrasonic twangy nag). The only part I understood, was that there was something bigger for me (or my family) to do. The whats, whens, hows are still up for grabs. I don't even want to try to understand, but I know, deep within the storms brewing inside me might have something to do with that. I just haven't figured it out yet. So, maybe for my resolution thought of 2014, I'll go on a journey, to figure out what to do with 'chosen'.

Looking forward to 2015 (now that I've blogged my thoughts out, it is with a little trepidation!) and hope that your New Year will be a journey you can't forget. Let the good times roll.

Conversations with Colin

I often try to take the time to teach my kids something useful for life in every conversation we have. Even by having a conversation, they are being taught about communication. But in this instance, we were on our way to the dentist, and I was kindly reminding him that he will be expected to be polite and use his manners.

I was explaining to him, that they will probably ask 'How are you?', as well as a question about Christmas since it was just a couple days ago. And I was explaining to him, that it is always nice to ask a question back, and also to ask questions about their answers to demonstrate that he was listening. And listening to the other person makes them feel respected and valued. It's also just... good manners.

So, we did a couple examples.

Did you see a lot of family?
Did you have a lot of food?
Did you get to relax?

Then Colin threw this one out: "Did you have a kid?"

um.... I was confused. And laughing hysterically. And relieved that we were thankfully doing practice runs.

Me: WHY would you ask if someone just had a kid???
Colin: Well, Mary and Joseph did.

Ah.... so he does pay attention at Sunday School. Praise the Lord.

Yes, I'll be 'that' Mother-in-law

Sitting at the local JJ Bean, a song near and dear to my heart started playing. Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey.... oh, talk about throwback days. It's just a classic for my R&B days of the 90s, along with Boyz 2 Men. Who could deny the soft luscious vocals of the queen of falsetto? I digress. That song was one of my faves, and remains top 10. So, to say my ears perked up with it started playing over the radio at the coffee shop, holding an actual baby, I was hormonally excited! It's automatic for my mouth to start singing the song, I can't help it. And then I realized, in that moment, I was singing 'Always Be My Baby', TO MY BABY.

It's funny how lyrics work, and I know that song is meant for some creepy stalker (ex)girlfriend to sing all by her lonesome self, but when I started singing it in relation to my current situation as a mother to my children... I knew I had it. I had the song for the mother-son dance at their wedding.



Sure enough, it sounds a little crazy mother in law to think: "Boy don't you know you can't escape me Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby'".

But on their respective wedding days, or any significant event really (graduation, first job, going to a sleepover, getting their driver's license, first steps) I really do hope I can sing these words and mean it:

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
'Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die, no

Colin Says: Apple Juice

Colin: Mommy can I have apple juice?
Me: No. We don't have any. Kids and adults don't need apple juice.
Colin: I just died right now.