New Beginnings

I've been praying. I'll be honest though, I'm not very eloquent in my prayers, but on this 3rd day of the New Year, I've found myself spontaneously praying a lot more.

I don't make resolutions, but I'm thinking that talking to God is a good start. My life isn't perfect. My marriage isn't always happy, my insecurities are always creeping up on me, my dysfunctional family frustrates me, and my kids - well, they're kids - what more do I need to say.

I'm finding that in all these imperfections, I can only look up and in the moments where I can give thanks to God for giving me the life I am living. I've always said I can't be the supermom that everyone strives to be. I'm not trying to be her - I've given up on that (image). I want to be the mom that's real, knows my weaknesses, and am not afraid to show them - so that others can be strengthened and empowered to know they're not alone.

I want to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. There are serious weaknesses in every area of my life, and I feel like I need an instruction manual for life. I need chapters like "What to say when you're wrong", "How to not be lazy", "When you feel like giving up", "How to care more", and a chapter like "How to find the Apple TV remote' would be really helpful too. God is my guide. I need to constantly go to him for instruction to weave through this thing called life in a completely sane matter.

Praying doesn't automatically solve all my issues. Praying just allows me to reflect on them, and brings awareness of my ownership in each area. I feel transparent, and real - but I find myself giving thanks more than anything though each time I pray, because I feel so blessed and loved. The love that God has for me, is far beyond my understanding, but because I am loved like that, it flows through me and is poured upon my family. And the best thing I can do for my family, is to love them unconditionally.

I know I am rambling (re: eloquence issue), and my prayers are for the most part like this. And God doesn't mind.